People You Get Stuck Behind In Long, Slow Lines

* Self-important cell-phone talker* Guy who smells like bourbon and gun powder and claims Obama isn’t a U. S. citizen* Old lady who assumes I would help her* Michael Jackson’s most bitterly bereaved fan* Someone whose house totally smells like beef vegetable soup* Guy with a helmet and you don’t know why he’s wearing it* Very large man/woman* Carrot Top* Guy who’s not breathing* Guy who’s breathing way too loud