The Definitive Monster Protection Rules (I know they work, because I'm still here. ;)1. Before going into a darkened bedroom, bathroom, or basement, throw something through the door or down the stairs. This will scare the monsters into hiding long enough for you to turn on the lights.2. Leave a light on. The bathroom light down the hall is acceptable, but a nightlight is even better. Flashlights only make them hide until you turn it off.3. Leave a plate of cookies just inside your baby brother's room. Monsters like cookies, too, and the scent will lead them to his room instead of yours.4. Leave the door to your room open. This will allow your parents to more clearly hear your ear-piercing screams should a monster attack you in the middle of the night.5. Monsters are as afraid of parents as children are of monsters, so bathe in your daddy's aftershave before you go to bed.6. Wear Superhero Underoos instead of your jammies. This deceives the monsters into believing that you're a Superhero, and they'll be too afraid that you'll hurt them to attack.7. Ensure that all closet doors and dresser drawers are fully shut or completely open. If they're closed, the monsters can't get out to attack you. If they're open, the monsters that are hiding inside will know that you know that they're there and they won't come out. 8. Put a pillow next to you in the bed and cover it up. There is a 50/50 chance that the monsters will attack it, instead of you.9. Pull your covers up to your neck. Monsters are allowed to grab you by any body part, except the head, that isn't protected by even a thin layer of fabric.10. Do not allow any part of your body to dangle over the edge of the bed in your sleep. The monsters under the bed will use this as a loophole to grab that body part and pull you under.11. Make sure that your covers are flat across the rest of the bed. This enables you to see any suspicious bumps moving toward you under them and will give you enough time to sound off an alarm (the ear-piercing scream mentioned earlier).12. Never, Ever, look under the bed after the lights are out

PEACE!