~HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE MONDAY~

Phones get thinner and smarter. People get fatter and more stupid.

I could probably be convinced into going to a party tonight if the dress code is pajamas.

Before hooking up tonight just remember, if you're really drunk and the other person is also really drunk, one of you is really ugly.

2012 was such an awesome year. JK, it was terrible.

Complains about not having a life. Finally gets invited to something, makes an excuse not to go.

~PEACE~

~HAPPY SUNDAY~

#wheniwaslittle I would draw the sun in the corner of my paper and make it have sunglasses O-O

Asks Siri a question. Told to shut the fuck up.

#HELEN KELLER  I spy with my little eye something that is black.

Can you find the cat?

 

Please play with me >>>>>>>HERE!

A dude went to a funeral yesterday of the mom of a colleague.

He didn’t know the lady so well, but stayed until the very last drop of soil was thrown on the casket and the grave sealed.



He said later that night that he’d like for people to stay till the last moment on his funeral too.



The next day he drives to the supermarket, has a heart attack at the wheel and dies.



Life is a strange happening at times.

~PEACE~

~HAPPY SATURDAY~

>^..^<

GRUMPY CAT

Sometimes when I look at you I just can't help but fantasize about kicking you in the face.

#wheniwaslittle i used to turn the light off & run up the stairs as fast as I could thinking something was chasing me...jk I still do that

Soup or salad?" SUPERSALAD? "SURE."

That awkward moment when your crush asks you who you like.

Exercise…ex…er…cise…..ex…ar…..size……eggs…are…sides….for bacon. Bacon.

If every kiss begins with "k" then I'm just going to assume that when you text me "k" you secretly want to make out.

~PEACE~

~HAPPY FINALLY FRIDAY~

I have to assume this month was incredibly difficult for anyone whose grandma actually was run over by a reindeer.

If you say gullible slow enough it will soon start to sound like oranges.

LIKE

Hey Y'all, It's Friday, there is a little Rebecca Black in everyone that just freaked out.

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

Sarcasm is humor with an attitude.

~PEACE~

~HAPPY THURSDAY~

I was visited by 3 spirits last night...Whiskey, Vodka, and Gin.

Here is a list of things I like:

GUMPY CAT

I hate humans, animals, and plants. Rocks are ok.

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.

~PEACE~

~HAPPY WEDNESDAY~

>^..^<

Before the New Year gets here there is something I need to confess:

 I let the Dogs out!

Tweet again about how drunk you got last night. I'm sure we are all interested.

Call in sick to skip work. Act sick all day to ease guilt.